Friday 24 May 2013

More psychology, life, and smiling...

In French, it's called "Joie De Vivre." In Hebrew, "Simchas HaChaim." On thesaurus.com, they refer to it as "Gladfulness" (there's no way that's an actual word).



Last Tuesday, I went to see Jillian Michaels as part of her "Maximize Your Life" tour. Aside from the life lessons, exercise advice, and nutrition tips I came away with, two aspects of the talk really stuck out for me.

The first, was this woman's energy. Don't get me wrong, I was hanging on her every word, but HOW she was delivering those words was almost as important as what she was saying. She is one of the most dynamic presenters I've ever seen. She utilized the stage more like a personal trainer than a motivational speaker - running and lunging from left to right, animated and chalk full of energy. But I'm not just talking about physical energy, but I'm referring to that new-agey, auric,  hipster, "You-Have-Good-Energy" type energy. The kind of energy you feed off of. And she SMILED! Holy crap did she smile! Big, huge, "I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE WITH YOU!!!!" smiles. She was engaged and engaging. She was up on the stage presenting as one of the most successful personalities in her industry, but at the same time, spoke as though she was just the girl next door - down to earth and relatable. She had this "joie de vivre" and "je ne sais quois" that made you want to listen. Even if you didn't agree with all her viewpoints, or didn't buy everything she was selling, the passion she exuded was what kept you listening.

I obviously can't speak to her personality off-stage or on the Biggest Loser set, but if she's anything in real life like she is on stage, then I urge you to look up the definition of "gladfulness" (I'm still lol'ing), write it down, and go seek out people who possess this quality. I'm not necessarily talking about friends who seem to always see the glass as half full, optimists, or the friends who are super peppy and perky all the time (though those are great people to have around). That's cool and everything, but there's more to it. I'm talking about those individuals who have a quality that starts bubbling from within and they're almost physically incapable of containing it within their body; it explodes (gently), and radiates onto others. You'll know it when you feel it because it's contagious... Infectious... Addictive! This kind of joy, a happiness just from BEING, is a condition of the soul, not the product of our external circumstances. Clue: These people smile for no reason.

I read a psychological study recently that spoke to the "contagiousness" of happiness. “Your happiness depends not just on your choices and actions, but also on the choices and actions of people you don’t even know who are one, two and three degrees removed from you,” said Dr. Nicholas A. Christakis, a physician and social scientist at Harvard Medical School and an author of the study. “There’s kind of an emotional quiet riot that occurs and takes on a life of its own, that people themselves may be unaware of. Emotions have a collective existence — they are not just an individual phenomenon.” These people make you happy, and your happiness affects others. How amazing is that?! By hanging around these people, you turn into a vehicle to pass that on to someone else! WILD!!!

"Energy generator" = A person who produces large amounts of energy; but it's that aura-type of energy, not actually bubbly crazy people. I read in some articles that these "Generators" are bottomless pits. They're called generators because they give, but never seem to lose power as a result. You know those times when you say to a friend, "I didn't tell you XYZ because I know you have a lot going on, and I didn't want you bring you down more." These generators aren't brought down by that - they're sympathetic and in your life for a reason: To help keep you going! Use them if you have them. Note: They may even be too energetic for you (but their heart is in the right place).

The reason this is relevant to bodybuilding is because like I said in my last post, our industry is often mistaken for being catty, self-absorbed, dog-eat-dog, selfish, and full of egotistical "energy vampires" (who are the opposite of the "energy generators" I'm talking about). While that's not EXACTLY the case, it's not entirely UNTRUE either. If you can hook up with a few solid people who make you feel good, regenerate you, and raise you up instead of bring you down, then you're so much more likely to succeed in your endeavors - whatever they may be. You're more likely to stick to a diet if you tell someone about it. You're more likely to follow through with a show if you have a support team behind you. You're more likely to go out and try something new (new class, new coach, new organization, etc.) if you know there are people who won't let you fall. THAT'S why this topic is relevant! So go out and find these people, these "energy generators" (that term was in a study, I don't own the rights to it :-P ), or spend time with the ones you have! YOU DESERVE TO SMILE/LAUGH/HAVE A GOOD TIME!


I'm saving the second point she made for my next Blog. That one I liked because, for me personally, it related to my bodybuilding journey. It's about worthiness and being deserving, and relates to a quote that goes something like: "Be one of the valiant few who looks at their dreams and says, instead of "Why me?" --> "Why NOT me?" and then goes for it!"


Here's the requisite "This-is-a-bodybuilding-blog-after-all" stuff:
Potentially 9 weeks out...


For my standards, I'm a little behind. I would've liked to be 3-4lbs leaner than what you see here. I know it sounds like an arbitrary number, but I'm sitting exactly where I was at the 9 week out mark from my last show... And we all know how that went. So if I could've just beat my conditioning by 3-4lbs at the same point for this show, then I'd be more content. Either way, still plugging along. Holla. Xo.

Sunday 19 May 2013

And now for something completely different...

"If you shut up, listen, and watch long enough, your mouth will know what to say when it's time to speak."


Whenever I decide to read a sociology/human behavior book, or spend a lot of time around a group of people, my brain kicks into overdrive. I get excited. I truly believe that the reason I became a personal trainer is because I didn't have the patience to get my Ph.D in Psychology... And i <3 muscles. 

Thankfully, I get the best of both worlds, as my job affords me the to opportunity to meet an extravagant number of people that I'd never have the pleasure, and in some cases privilege, of coming across if I wasn't involved in the fitness industry.

When I get to spend time with people, especially my friends, I regret that there are only 24 hours in a day, and only 7 days in a week. And that some people hate being interrogated. If I could devote my life to being a professional "people meeter" (what?), I'd do that for a living in a second. In an industry that's so often chastised and rebuked for being socially insular and having a self-seeking attitude, there is actually an abundance of people who genuinely care and want to listen instead of talk. Ironically, THOSE people are often the one's with the most insight and perspective to impart. Those are the people I want to sit down with. For the record: I'm not claiming to be one of those interestING people; I'm claiming to be one of the interesTED people. Just clarifying.

Now, with that positive "A stranger is a friend you haven't met" speech out of the way, I want to share something interesting I read. 'Dunbar's Number': "A suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships. These are relationships in which an individual knows who each person is, and how each person relates to every other person." In layman's terms, we have a limited number of space in our lives for people. That number is 150. "Dunbar has argued that 150 would be the mean group size only for communities with a very high incentive to remain together. For a group of this size to remain cohesive, Dunbar speculated that as much as 42% of the group's time would have to be devoted to social grooming." In layman's terms, if you want to stay close to those 150 people, almost half your time has to be devoted to staying in touch with those people. What?! Who has that kind of time?!

Whoa. Heavy, right? You can be friends with 150 people at any given time. 150 people may sound like a lot, but check out your Facebook friends list. Check out how many people you follow on Twitter/Instagram. Check out your family tree. Check out your text message history. Relatively speaking, it doesn't seem like a lot anymore, does it? It's said that we make a first impression within the first 3 to 30 seconds. You have half a minute to decide if someone's going to wriggle into your 150. I had an awesome talk with a close friend about the use of the words "friend", "best friend", "acquaintance", etc. He said, "We overuse the word BEST. Best is a superlative. There can only be one "best", that's the point of making it the BEST! Count how many people you ACTUALLY see regularly on purpose. Count how many people you purposely go out of your way to make time for. Count how many people whose friendship you'd fight for." Now YOU think about it... Think about how many "BEST" friends you have... Think about my friend's idea... Maybe you've just freed up a little space in your 150...? Or maybe you didn't! Maybe you still have 5 best friends. I think I do. And they range from people I've known for 20 years, to people who may have just come into my life.

I'm not trying to break up friendships here, or make you reevaluate your priorities - G-d forbid. If anything, maybe you'll value the last 5 or 10 people you texted a little bit more, because those 5 are 5 out of only 150 in your important social network. All I'm saying is cherish the people who cherish you. Spend more time (in person, if you can) with the ones who make you feel important (because you are, and you deserve to hear it from them!), who spend more time listening than talking (because you're interesting!), who are genuine, who would go out of their way for you, and who would fight for your friendship (because it's worth it!).


You only have 150 attachments at your disposal.
Make every one count.







And just because this is a contest prep blog...
Requisite abs shot
May 16 2013

Saturday 11 May 2013

Wouldn't you know it...

The universe wants this to happen, evidently.

157.4

I'm lol'ing. Really.

Friday 10 May 2013

11 weeks out!!! (But really "11 weeks out???")

In my last post, I went into great length about being addicted to numbers - specifically that I go by the scale to gauge progress. If you haven't read it, you might want to go back and check that one out. It's one of the most honest, candid and poignant posts I've ever made. I stand by it, and will continue to, for as long as I compete.

Back to the point of this blog: Funny story about scale numbers - They'll mess with you.

They mess with me.

You'd think that you if you were contest prepping, then seeing a loss on the scale would be encouraging, reassuring, motivating and (insert entire thesaurus.com list of similar adjectives here). You'd THINK, right? See, that doesn't always work with me. Sure, when I see a scale drop, I get as excited as the next competitor. BUT, if you've read the last 3 blog posts, you'll know that I'm ANYTHING BUT "the next competitor." My head doesn't work like that. I don't think like the average competitor, who just turns on "Contest Prep Mode"/"Beast Mode". I can't. I get from Point A to B via the most convoluted, unique, potentially destructive route. 



You think I'm lying... I'm not. THIS is me.


When it comes to the scale, sometimes I'll see the drop and think, "Hmm... Can I cheat today, rely on my metabolism to not screw me over tomorrow, and just hope I'm in a deficit at the end of the week? I still have 5-6 days to fix it." Do any of you cheat and then just fix it? Do I suck because I think like this?

Merp. How messed up is that?!

If you're still reading, and still shaking your head and wondering why I'm doing this to myself, let me explain:


Read it again. And again. And again until is sinks in, and you find out what YOUR "something" is; the something YOU can't go a day without thinking about. Is it a significant other? A parent? Competing? That picture is me in a nutshell. I'm a "one track mind, Never Say Die, do what you need do to to get it done, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, epically cliche" person with the heart and soul of a competitor since the first time I stepped on a bodybuilding stage (even if it doesn't currently look like it or sound like it). Who goes through this much emotional and physical turmoil for a sport? Do we all do it, but it manifests differently in each of us? Are my struggles common? Is my breed of competitor less rare than I think? I wouldn't be so honest and open in my blog posts, nor would I let myself get so worked up about this week after week, month after month, if this sport didn't mean the world to me. If this is the sport I wanted to affiliate myself with both professionally and recreationally. THIS is it for me. So when you wonder why I do this to myself, you have your answer.


Taken at 12 weeks out - May 4 2013

May 4 2013
 


No filter. Why not?

In case you haven't been confused enough, let me explain why this week was interesting. I am OCD about recording numbers throughout my contest prep. By "numbers" here, I mean:  Training poundages and Cardio minutes, Macronutrients (carbs, protein, fat), weight, bodyfat and measurements. OCD, I TELL YOU! So for my last prep, from April 27 until October 13 2012, I knew exactly where I stood physically. Every week, from 25 weeks out until show day, I knew what I weighed. So on the eve (it's Friday night) of being 11 weeks out, I can see that if I weigh-in at (or below) 158.4lbs, I will be exactly where I was at 11 weeks out for my LAST show (When people say "Compare yourself to no one else but yourself", I take it literally). Until this point, until tonight, I have LITERALLY been aiming to be exactly where I was at this many weeks out last year. Now, with that said, I would consider this practice detrimental, given that I placed LAST at my show in October. Oops.

I made a bet with myself last week: I said, if I was at or below 158.4 by 11 weeks out, then I wouldn't give up on this prep - I would see it through until the end. There would be no reason to give up because I know I'd AT LEAST come in the same condition I did last year, which isn't bad, but isn't great either. Regardless, the point is, I promised myself I wouldn't bail or give up on the next 11 weeks, and give my entire self over to 77 days of contest prep, as they were meant to be. Do you see how skewed this logic is?! So do I. Don't judge.

Well... it's not Saturday, yet. So cross your fingers for me people, that I'm at (or below) 158.4 tomorrow morning ;) If I'm under, you're going to see some ridiculous changes and blog posts for the next little while. If I'm over, you're not going to see much ;)

Saturday 4 May 2013

Another blog about scales?!

There are going to be some graphic images in this post; I'm not saying this to scare you, but remember, I'm trying to give the unadulterated version of my thoughts... so bare with me.

We've all seen the following cartoons in some form or another, right?




They're not "Ha-Ha" funny cartoons, but rather, "Art imitating life" accurate pictorials that are relevant in our competitive world, to both women AND men. This is a VERY real scenario. 

We're told all the time in our industry, and by our coaches, that the scale isn't everything. Everyone and their mother, from SHAPE to Oxygen to FLEX, has written a blog post about how your weight doesn't tell the whole story, how it doesn't reflect 100% of your progress, how you shouldn't put all your faith in what the number reads, how you should use the mirror/measurements/clothes/intuition, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

But what about when THIS cartoon happens in real life? What about when THIS is your life? When THIS is what you ACTUALLY see in the mirror? THIS is what's staring back at you 

Summer of 2005 (2006?)





Ya, we're not having fun anymore, are we? This isn't a cartoon anymore, is it? I'm not taking this lightly, so please, don't think I'm making a joke of a very SERIOUS illness. But tell me: If you were me, how would you go about approaching contest prep? When you and the mirror haven't exactly seen eye to eye since you were 11, and really, the scale is the only concrete, objective thing you have going for you, how do you respond to the bloggers and coaches? Those pictures above are accurate reflections of the female cartoon I posted on top: Girl sees self in mirror, self isn't REALLY self, girl diets down HOPING to see real self, girl almost kills self.


What do you do when only 5 short years ago, THOSE pictures above were your reality, and now, the pictures below are what you live with? Kind of messes with your mind, doesn't it? For anyone who's ever lost an insane amount of weight, but still sees that "fat girl" in the mirror, I know you feel me. For any competitor who's taken some time off to have a baby or just take an extended off-season, I know YOU feel me! So now, I have this body staring me in the face. Now THESE pictures show my reality.



June 2012



You see where the problem lies? I have NO idea what I look like. It sounds funny, right? Maybe even a little cliche? Ya, not so funny when it's you. I spent so many years of my life seeing myself one way (but technically not actually seeing what was in the mirror), and now, I'm supposed to see something else... that may or may not even be there this time around! There are days I feel like I'm looking at a fun-house mirror like, "That can't be me. WTF?!" Thankfully, my "normal" days are more frequent than my others, and I don't spend an abnormal amount of time in from of the mirror, but come contest dieting time, I might as well not own one. I send my pictures to my coach, get on my scale, and c'est la vie. Personally, the scale is all I go by. It's all I CAN go by. The mirror has lied to me almost my entire life - it's not about to start being truthful now, I can guarantee you that.  So save the reassuring talks for someone else. I need my numbers. 


March/April 2013 - Me currently.
Don't even know why I'm using the mirror



Just for the record: I am 100% recovered. I put in my dues in hospital (two times), in the outpatient circuit (once), and intensive psychiatry (twice). It's why I'm able to carry on a perfectly functional, normal life as a personal trainer and competitive bodybuilder. I eat out with friends, I drink on occasion, and I am not obsessed with calories (when I'm not prepping). I am over that phase of my life, and have no desire, intention, or temptation to ever revisit it. There. Done. Said.